Would Your Relationship Survive Financial Infidelity?

This may be a weird thing to admit to, but I have always been a proponent of prenups. Even as a young teen, I recall watching TV shows or movies where the (usually) female character expressed shock and dismay when asked to sign a prenup, while I sat there puzzled, wondering why this reaction was so common. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a divorced home, or maybe it’s because I’m cynical to my core (probably this one). I’m not sure, but I’ve always been a big believer in separate finances for couples. I don’t find it unromantic or a sign that the relationship is doomed. I think it’s smart – a tool to protect all parties involved. It doesn’t mean you’re planning for divorce, but it does mean that there is a plan in place in a worst-case scenario. It’s like having health insurance. You aren’t planning on getting sick, but things happen. The same goes for separate accounts. Unless you’re in a situation where only one partner is making money, I don’t think all accounts need to be joint.

Having said that, there is a big difference between having separate accounts and flat out lying to your partner about money. Financial infidelity is a real thing and according to a Bankrate survey, 1 in 4 Americans are guilty of it. What exactly is financial infidelity and why is it a problem? Financial infidelity is a term that describes the act of hiding financial information or activities from your partner. It can manifest in various forms, including secret bank accounts, undisclosed debts, hidden spending, or even lying about your income. While it might not seem as harmful as other forms of infidelity, like emotional or physical affairs, financial infidelity can erode trust and cause serious damage to a relationship.

So, why is financial infidelity such a big deal? The answer lies in the fundamental components of a healthy relationship: trust and communication. When financial secrets start piling up, trust begins to crumble. According to a survey by Forbes, 54% of Americans believe lying about finances is equivalent to other types of infidelity. Here are a few reasons why financial infidelity can be so damaging:

• Breakdown of Trust: Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. When one partner hides financial matters from the other, it erodes the trust that should exist between them. This can lead to feelings of betrayal and resentment.
• Communication Breakdown: Financial infidelity often goes hand-in-hand with a breakdown in communication. Instead of discussing financial goals, challenges, and decisions openly, one partner makes unilateral decisions in secret. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and misalignment of financial priorities.
• Financial Consequences: Secret spending or undisclosed debts can have serious financial consequences for a couple. It may lead to financial instability, missed financial goals, and even bankruptcy in extreme cases. These financial burdens can add further stress to the relationship.
• Emotional Toll: Just as with any form of infidelity, financial secrecy can take an emotional toll on both partners. Feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety may plague the partner hiding financial information, while the other may feel hurt, betrayed, and frustrated. 

Addressing financial infidelity begins with open and honest communication. Here are some steps couples can take to foster financial transparency and strengthen their relationship:

• Set Aside Regular Money Talks: Make it a habit to discuss finances openly and regularly. This can include budgeting sessions, financial goal-setting, and reviewing accounts together.
• Share Financial Goals: Understand each other's financial goals and priorities. This will help align your financial plans and reduce the temptation to keep secrets.
• Create a Joint Budget: Consider creating a joint budget that outlines your shared expenses and financial responsibilities. This can help ensure that both partners are on the same page regarding income and expenses.
• Be Honest About Financial Mistakes: If you've made financial mistakes in the past, such as accumulating debt, be honest about them. Transparency can lead to understanding and support rather than judgment.
• Seek Professional Help if Needed: If financial issues become overwhelming, consider seeking the assistance of a financial advisor or counselor. They can provide guidance and strategies for managing financial challenges.

While separate finances can be a sensible approach for many couples, honesty and transparency remain the cornerstones of a healthy financial relationship. Financial infidelity, like any other form of dishonesty, can have significant consequences. By fostering open communication and trust, couples can navigate their finances together successfully, ensuring a stronger and more resilient partnership. Remember, it's not about planning for failure, but rather planning for success in your financial journey together.

If you have any questions or need personalized advice on managing your finances within your relationship, don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here to help you navigate the complexities of money matters in your partnership. You can contact me at Jennifer.Jenkins@bluestonewp.com. Remember, a financially transparent and open relationship is not only achievable but can also strengthen the bond you share with your partner. Here's to a prosperous and harmonious financial future!